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College Entrance Essay (FIT) - With A Free Essay Review
I believe that most people have a career that they set out to pursue. Many people know from early on what it is that they want to do in life; I was not exactly one of those people. I always knew I wanted to somehow work in the Fashion Industry; I just never considered myself creative enough to design a piece. However, I knew that I was business oriented, and Fashion has always been one of my main interests. Somehow I had to combine the two.
Growing up, my parents owned an import/export company for fabrics and knit sweaters. I would be amazed at how this yarn would arrive and soon be woven into something that I and many others would later wear. I would spend hours watching the sweaters being knit; their factory was like my playground. This was where my love of Fashion had begun. My family is from Serbia, so I spent most of my summers abroad. I also had the opportunity to visit other European cities. I was able to see how the styles were in comparison to here. I was often told that they knew I wasnt from around the area because of how I dressed. I loved seeing the different styles, and I would use that as an inspiration when I was putting an outfit together. I also used fashion as an outlet to express what I was feeling. Depending on how I felt, what I was wearing would reflect that. I believe that clothing, whether high end or inexpensive has the power to change a person and how they view themselves. This is certainly the case for me.
Marketing & Advertising has always been an interest of mine. I loved the fact that someones idea could influence a consumer to purchase an item. This especially stuck with me during a World Affairs class that I took. We watched old Nike ads, and I realized just how powerful advertising could be. In one of their classic ads, there are no words, just music, yet it is one of their most popular commercials to date. My professor told us that when he was growing up in Korea and saw this ad it made him want to purchase a pair of Nikes. I was intrigued at how one 30 second commercial can influence so many people, not only in the U.S. but all around the world. I have always considered myself creative, and a quick thinker, so I knew that I had finally found the career I wanted to pursue. My interest originally was sparked after having taken a few years off from school to help my family. I ended up landing a job at Nestle, but I always felt like something was missing. Though I did like the corporate environment, I felt like I needed to be somewhere that allowed me to express my creativity and originality; like the Fashion Industry. This led me to take courses at FIT for the past two semesters. Over the last few months, I have met exceptional students and professors, and have had the chance to speak to peers who are majoring in Marketing and Advertising Communications; they have all made me certain that FIT is the place I want to be.
I believe that I would be the perfect candidate for FIT because I am driven. I will stop at nothing to reach the goals that I have set for myself. Just being at FIT for the past few months has inspired me to do so many things. I found that the students here are so motivated and competitive, in a good way. I have been feeding off of their energy, and I can honestly say that I have changed as a person. It has allowed me to step outside of my comfort zone and made me realize that when I do, great things can be achieved. If given the opportunity to attend FIT as a degree student, I would excel. After obtaining my Associates Degree, I plan on moving into the International Trade & Marketing program at FIT.
Though I sometimes wish I had realized my dream early on in life, I do not take the path it took me to get here for granted. I know now, more than ever, that this is what I am meant to do; and I could not imagine doing it anywhere else!
Let me begin with your penultimate paragraph, the topic of which is your belief that you would be the perfect candidate for FIT. Since you have already taken classes at FIT, you know a lot about the school. You know some of the students and the professors. You know what the classroom experience is like. You know how challenging the work is, and you likely know if you have the wherewithal to accomplish the work. Despite everything you know, however, you speak in this paragraph about the school and about your experience there in the vaguest way possible. You speak in platitudes and cliches: you've been inspired, you've fed off the energy of others, you've stepped outside your comfort zone, and you think great things can be achieved. I would suggest deleting all of that stuff, mostly because I've no idea what it really means. Instead of saying that you've been inspired to do so many things, why not say what you've actually done and what you plan to do? Instead of saying you've stepped outside your comfort zone (which could mean just about anything under the sun, including getting out of bed), why not explain what kind of uncomfortable or unfamiliar or risky things you've done or will do, and how that went or how you expect it to go? Instead of speaking vaguely about feeding off the energy of others, why not describe an actual class you took, how much effort you put into it, the kind of knowledge you acquired, and so on? Did you undertake any projects? Did you get feedback from your peers or professors that helped you? Did you give others feedback? Have you formed friendships? Have you found a mentor, and if so what's her or his name, and what's great about having him or her as a mentor?
You don't have to answer all of those questions, but you are in a position to speak concretely about why you think you and FIT fit, and answering those types of questions will help you do that. You're in a much better position to do that than any external applicant. But instead of differentiating yourself from other applicants, you make yourself sound like just another average applicant. I challenge you to find a single being in the entire universe unwilling to assert its ability to step outside its comfort zone. If you do find such a being, and that being is also applying to FIT, then I think you should get the place instead of it.
Now you do say in an earlier paragraph, the one about how marketing has always been an interest of yours, that you have spoken with peers at FIT about FIT's Marketing and Advertising Communications program, and that your talks made you certain about what you want to do. It's great that you include this story about talking to your peers, but even here you could be a lot more concrete. You rush headlong to the conclusion of the story without pausing to say anything about what you learned from your peers or how what they said confirmed for you that you should continue your education in that program at FIT?
In that same paragraph you speak about a course in World Affairs that you took. This is one of the clearest parts of your essay. What's not clear to me is where you took this course--whether at FIT or somewhere else. If you took the course at FIT, specify that, and name the professor. I'm also not sure that the single anecdote you tell about that course is enough to explain your greater interest in marketing and advertising than in fashion. To explain your interest in the latter, by contrast, you offer your whole life story.
I think what you are trying to say here is that you are interested in the fashion industry more than in fashion design, and the part of that industry you are interested in is the marketing part. But when I say I think that's what you are trying to say, I mean that I'm making an educated guess. It's not as though you say anything quite so explicit. The way you've set up your essay, the story about your background and your trips to Serbia and "other European cities" (Serbia is a country, though, right? Did you mean to say you visited Belgrade?) appears to be about the source of your interest in fashion as opposed to marketing, with the interest in the latter being explained almost entirely by a Professor's story about a Nike advertisement. I don't see why it wouldn't make as much sense (yes, I really mean "more sense") to use your life story as a whole to explain your interest in the fashion industry generally, and then you could explain that you are particularly interested in the marketing side of that industry. Doing that will also allow you avoid implying that you want to do marketing because you're not confident about your ability to be a fashion designer. It's completely fine not to be confident about your ability in that respect, but you need to make sure that no one misunderstands you as saying that marketing is your second choice.
Submitted by: AM88
FIT's degree programs are highly competitive and you are strongly encouraged to apply early.
Carefully review the dates below to ensure that all requested materials are received by the FIT Admissions office by the posted deadlines. Applicants are encouraged to allow enough time to complete FIT's Admissions requirements by applying as soon as the SUNY application becomes available.
» State University of New York (SUNY) Application (available August 1)
Admission decisions are rendered on complete applications only.
Fall Semester Admission
January 1: Application Deadline
The SUNY application must be filed by January 1 to receive priority consideration for the fall semester.
February 1: Supplemental Materials Deadline
All supplemental materials must be received by February 1 to receive priority consideration for the fall semester. These supplemental requirements include your academic documents, admissions essay, and for art and design applicants, a portfolio. In addition, all applicants whose first language is not English must provide an official TOEFL, IELTS, or PTE score. It is important to allow sufficient time to complete all admissions requirements.
April - May
Information for Recently Accepted Students will be mailed separately and additional information will be available online. All final transcripts and test scores must be submitted before students register for the fall semester.
Spring Semester Admission
October 1: Application Deadline
The SUNY application must be filed by October 1 to receive priority consideration for the spring semester.
November 1: Supplemental Materials Deadline
All supplemental materials must be received by November 1 to receive priority consideration for the spring semester. These supplemental requirements include your academic documents, admissions essay, and for art and design applicants, a portfolio. In addition, all applicants whose first language is not English must provide an official TOEFL, IELTS, or PTE score. It is important to allow sufficient time to complete all admissions requirements.
December - January
Additional information for Recently Accepted Students will be mailed separately and additional information will be available online. All final transcripts and test scores must be submitted before students register for the spring semester.